Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
