And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
