Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
