So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
