My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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