apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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