didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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