This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
