We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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