A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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