So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
