On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
