she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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