So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
