I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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