pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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