babies were throwing up all over the place
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
