When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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