you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
