the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
