She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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