how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
