I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
