there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
