I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
