It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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