I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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