I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
