I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
