theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
