I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
