Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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