I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
