What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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