do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You are a genius and a whore.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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