I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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