she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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