I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
