Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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