Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
