"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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