If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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