You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
