Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
