I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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