You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
