I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
