capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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