I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
