Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
