ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is wine microwaveable?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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